i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
