ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
