fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She bit a glass in half.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
