Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
