She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
