Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
