I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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