And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
