who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
