remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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