I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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