Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
