The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
