He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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