By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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