u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
