Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
