genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
