mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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