girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
