She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
