is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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