I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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