I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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