fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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