friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
