I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
