i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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