But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
