I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
