similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
