Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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