my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
