Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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