at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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