doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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