Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
