How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
