Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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