I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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