i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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