Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
