I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even my farts smell like vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
