my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize