He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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