He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
