Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
