I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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