Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
