u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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