I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
