I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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