well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
