So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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