when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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