my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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