I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
