I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
