She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
