Pants 0. Shit 1.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
