how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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