goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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