I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize