my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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