We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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