I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
