He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
