East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
