I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
