3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize